My current yacht is feeling so jejune.

I’ve been having trouble finding quality medial care aboard my yacht lately.

Thank goodness Guardian 24/7 is working tirelessly to fill this vital niche.

A reader sent me a link to this beyond swanky-sounding service. At first glance, I was fairly certain I was reading from the pages of The Onion. But this is no joke: Here are some of the marketing claims:

FOUNDED BY former White House physicians and doctors for advanced medical planning, Guardian 24/7 offers medical protection previously available only to the President of the United States. We work with your physicians to design a system perfectly suited to your unique needs.

Guardian 24/7 is not for everyone. But it just might be for you.

Yeah. It just might be for you if you’re insanely wealthy. A touch paranoid. And have an interest in trying to live forever.

You won’t find prices listed anywhere on the site. But a NY Times article about the service quoted a price of between six and twelve thousand dollars per month, in addition to the $700,000 necessary to install one of their “ready rooms” on your yacht or plane. Heck, you can even get one installed in your house.

For true amusement, watch the video on the website.

Yeah, that looks a lot like my estate…

Who wouldn’t want to turn their bedroom into a hospital room with the touch of a button?

Before Guardian, this kind of medical protection was only available to one person. But now, presidential-level care can be yours — on your schedule and your terms.

I’m not certain about it, but I don’t think they mean Michael Jackson.